Regardless of what form the behavior takes, if there is any part of you that has felt intimidated or threatened by the person you are dating, you shouldn't allow yourself to feel compromised for a second longer. You feel threatenedĪbuse comes in all kinds: It can be as blatant as someone hitting you or as subtle as someone making comments every now and then that, when combined, erode your sense of safety and well-being. But if it has been a few months, or even years, and the important people in your life still haven't warmed up to the idea of your significant other, maybe it's time to take a step outside of your relationship to try to understand what they're seeing that you don't. Hell, maybe you didn't even like them the first time you met them, but then they grew on you over time. There's no use dumping one relationship if the cause are your own issues that you'll only drag to the next one.) Your friends still don't like themįirst impressions are real rough sauce, so you can't really let it shake your confidence in someone if your friends and family don't like the person you're dating right off the bat. Maybe take a long moment to pause and figure out exactly where your feelings of mistrust are coming from. (To be fair, it could also be a sign that you have an issue with trust and insecurity that has nothing to do with this particular relationship. Whether or not you are wrong to mistrust them, the fact that you are feeling that way may be a sign that you need to move on. If there is even a tiny seed of doubt in your mind that they might seize an opportunity with someone if they knew they could get away with it, that tiny seed will fester and grow bigger over time, until the relationship is either wrecked by the mistrust or wrecked by the cheating your gut saw coming a hundred miles away. You don't fully trust them to be faithful They become a grating presence to you, and you become an even worse grating presence to them, because they are constantly on pins and needles trying to figure out what they did to bother you. They've done nothing wrong, but all of a sudden you find yourself irritated with them, or are even indirectly blaming them for problems in your life that have nothing to do with them. They annoy you and you can't even explain why There is a huge difference between a casual daydream and a fixation that might indicate a serious level of dissatisfaction in your current relationship. You can't turn off the part of your brain that occasionally fantasizes outside of your relationship (if you're me, that would mean never reading another book again), but you should know yourself well enough to know when it has reached a level that you can't brush off anymore. You frequently fantasize about other people If you feel anything but proud of the person you are dating, then you are both settling for less than what you deserve. And neither would the person you're dating. Would you ever want to be in a relationship with someone who felt embarrassed to be around you in public, or was hesitant to introduce you to their family and friends? Hell to the no. It might be past time to start asking why that is. When you start using "I'm sorry" as a Band-Aid for all your problems, instead of taking the long way around by actually discussing them and working them out, it means that you are less invested in the relationship. Because if you are feeling any of these things, odds are, you should have broken up already by now: It feels like a chore to talk to them on the phone You owe it to yourself - and to the other person - to give yourselves a chance to find a relationship that really does feel the way it's supposed to. But at some point, even the pain of breaking up is nothing compared to the long, slow strain of staying in a relationship that just plain isn't working anymore. No matter how long you have been in a relationship with someone, there is some kind of history and a degree of trust between the two of you that will inevitably be altered forever, whether or not you decide to stay friends. I'm not saying that this makes it easy to do the actual breaking up, because breaking up, regardless of the circumstances, is never a simple or painless thing. A hundred little things will happen before you know in your gut that it's the right thing to do, and odds are that by then, the realization won't come in one fell swoop - it might be so long overdue that you aren't surprised by it at all. Feelings like that are usually gradual, and evolve and take shape over time. Every relationship is different, so it's impossible to say that there is a prescribed moment when you know you're supposed to break up with someone.
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